Go seek help, it’s alright

All these years of my practice as a clinical therapist, there is one concept that I have always reiterated to all my patients, “your physical and psychological health are interlinked. If one deteriorates, then the other automatically goes for a toss.” It’s like a pair of eyes that go in the same direction — the choice is ours to take it in the upward or downward direction.

You might be wondering what this really means. For years, we have thought of diseases as something that hit our body. But the interesting thing is, long-term exposure to such conditions also starts affecting us emotionally and psychologically. And we will just learn how this happens.

Let’s look at two stories (names disguised below for patient confidentiality) — one where a physical condition started affecting the person emotionally to a point that emotional health became the bigger problem. And the other one in which poor emotional health led to a physical disease and a vicious circle thereafter.

Your physical and psychological health are interlinked. If one deteriorates, than the other automatically goes for a toss

Story 1 — That thing called cancer

Smita was a lively and happy go lucky person. She was that kind of a person who finds happiness in every sorrow and beauty in everything she sees. Then she was diagnosed with cancer, her cancer was detected at a stage where the risk was not high still to cure the disease, the doctor suggested her radiation therapy. Every session started to take a toll on her. She started showing signs of depression. She would repeatedly, say that she is becoming a burden on her family members now. Her husband and son, who loved her a lot, seeing her change so much psychologically started losing hope. Things started to go down. Medicines, day and night, made her feel more and more vulnerable. Just when everything was falling apart, a friend asked them to reach out for emotional help. That is how we met. My work seemed difficult but, thanks to her and her family, it wasn’t. We worked together to rediscover her own real self, and show the family how love made them strong and helped them keep going. She started looking at the positive aspects of her life and started treating the illness as a small roadblock in life she could get over.

Tough times sometimes such as a terrible physical illness, overshadow the real us, but that does not mean that real us are lost forever. We just have to search carefully or ask for help.

Story 2 — When pills don’t heal

Recently, I met Divya who was diagnosed with hypertension with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Also, she was on psychiatric medicines for severe depression for the past 4 years. In the past 4 years, she had gained weight and as recommended by her doctor she was asked to see a nutritionist who can manage her lifestyle with diet. Medicines and diet did play their part well in helping her manage her issues. Even then, the doctors were worried as her health was either relapsing or was stuck. The nutritionist identified that there were issues deeper and should be talked about. So she decided to introduce her to me. I still remember, the first time we talked, all she wanted was her mother back. She had lost her brother 4 years back, then her father 2 years back and the biggest loss that took the toll on her was of her mother who passed away 6 months back. Her marital life has another set of issues. Her husband was ignorant and was supportive only to the extent to take her to a psychiatrist and get her medicines. He would push her to shed weight and look attractive.

Initial few sessions were mostly about how she cannot bring her mother back and we worked on rationalizing that thought. Finally, it happened. During one of the sessions, we resolved this by helping her open about things she wanted to say to her mother if she was there with her. Her anger with her is what she wanted to communicate — about all the disrespect her husband has projected her to. Best part of her was the child inside her that needed to be heard, loved and needed someone to ask her if she had her meal. We hand held the patient to provide her support. She was made to believe in herself and take control of her life. Her husband was slowly and steadily brought in for sessions and was made to understand how depression has changed the way she used to think. She went into that phase because of a reason. We worked as a team. Within 3 months of medicines, nutrition plan and rigorous therapy sessions she started to show results. Her reports showed improvements, and her doctor cut 3 medications out of 5. The doctor agreed that most of her physical illnesses were triggered due to low emotional health. Today she is working as a teacher and is taking care of her family as well.

Physical and psychological health are two sides of the same coin. If anything is not right with one, then other shows symptoms too. For most patients, though depending on the intensity of illness, a three-pronged approach will improve the overall health — medicines (for acute relief or disease management), lifestyle changes (specially eating pattern and sleeping pattern) and psychological counselling.

Two to three times in one’s lifetime we all need help, we all need someone to hold our hand and pull us out, or maybe just look into our eyes and with full honesty say “Things are not great right now. It will be fine, let’s work together.” And you know what, if you think you are going through that time, it’s perfectly okay to ask for help.

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